I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
