I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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