Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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