I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
