Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I touched a dick in church today
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
