haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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