My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
