then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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