I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
