I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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