so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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