the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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