Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
