I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
