his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
