how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
