He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
