I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
