Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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