dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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