you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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