The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
