I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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