Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
