Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
