i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
