the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
