You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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