ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
