just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
