I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
