Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
