Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
