so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
