Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
