We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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