He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
