meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
