It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
True college students do jello shots in the library
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
