He told me they were just razor bumps!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there is glitter all over my balls
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
