this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
