her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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