wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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