:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
