Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
