Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
