i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
