My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
