drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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