Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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