I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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