Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
