I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
