I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
