this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
