You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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